I lost myself early on
by NevErEndIngDreAmeR
Summary: Lily Evans lived a very sad life. She seemed to grow a permanent sickness and not even the closest person to her could mend it. Can a certain marauder heal it? But could he even get close enough to do so?
1. My life

Story title: I lost myself early on

Summary: Lily Evans lived a very sad life, and she grew a permanent sickness that even her closest person to a mother couldn't even mend. Maybe a certain marauder could, but would she even let him get close enough?

Disclaimer: I don't own any character you recognize here. They're all J.K.R.'s creations.

Author's notes:

I know I shouldn't be writing a new story, but this idea popped randomly. I'm really sorry.

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I've always felt alone. Without comfort, without freedom, without me. I really don't know what happened. Ever since my mother died, I lost everything.

My father became a drunk, my sister grew too much pride, and I, just lost it. I never talked again. I can't even remember the sound of my own voice. I barely ate much. I never met anyone around our village. Nothing. I was blank.

Our housemaid, Lucy, grew worried for me. She took care of me ever since my mom died. I was three by then. She substituted everything my mother would have done for me. But I never responded. Nothing she could have done made me live a good life.

My father always abused me, my sister always ordered me around and nothing could have saved me. I fell into a world of nightmares, and I can't stand up to revive myself. My situation had gotten worse, and Lucy was the only one who cared.

I'm sitting on my bed, with Lucy brushing my red hair. I turned eleven just yesterday, and only Lucy remembered. My mother would have, if only she was here.

It was almost ten pm and Lucy's night routine was about to end. She put down the brush and kissed my cheek.

"Good night Lily, sweet dreams." she said softly and she left the room. A tear fell down my face. My green almond shaped eyes began brimming with tears.

I finally thought that yesterday, after eight years of waiting, hope would come. Yet again, I was wrong. Maybe after another year, someone would save me.

I slid down my bed and stared out the window. I saw a space. An endless space, and that space was empty. Just like me. I closed my eyes and dreamt what I have always dreamed ever since I was three. My mother.

I was awoken by Lucy shaking me softy.

"Lily! You've got a letter from my previous school! You've got a letter from Hogwarts! Lils, you're a witch!"

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**FOUR YEARS LATER**

"Faster Lily, you don't want to miss the train now do you?" exclaimed Lucy as we got out of her car and ran towards the platform 9 and 10.

I stopped there and looked at Lucy, who was looking very excited.

"Lils, you're a fifth year alredy! Good luck and remember, owl me!" exclaimed Lucy and she disappeared in the crowd.

I stared at the wall between platform nine and ten and ran towards it. Within a second, I was inside Platform nine and three quarters. I smiled inwardly and hurried off to find a compartment.

I immediately found one, and I stowed my trunk in with great difficulty. I sat down and took out a book I love to read before our ride starts.

Nothing much about me changed. I'm still that red haired, green eyed girl who can't seem to find her voice. Yep, I still don't talk, and I'm not proud of it.

You may ask how I could survive through each school years without talking. Well, I don't communicate with others, so they just seem to think that I am very quiet. As for transfiguration and charms, I've grown quite accustomed to quiet spells. Non-verbal actually. It means to say that I can perform spells just by thinking of it, and not entirely speaking. So that means I really don't need a wand, but I do grow stronger with my wand.

Even though I don't talk, my schoolmates are really thick. They just see me as a girl with red hair and green eyes who manages to destroy her social life all life long.

I've grown a stupid title. I don't care at all. Remember four years ago when I was sitting in my bed, hoping someone would save me?

Well, Hogwarts did save me from a lot of misery, but not entirely. The deep wounds that have been planted on me earlier have not been healed, but the shallow ones have been.

It's a good thing Lucy is still our maid, or else no one would have taken care of me at home. Lucy is like a mother to me now, but ever since I got that letter, my father abused me more, my sister annoyed me more, but Lucy and I grew closer to each other.

I felt the train begin to move and I looked out my window. There stood a man, a woman and a little girl who was waving to someone inside the train. The little girl was crying, and all I remembered of her was that she has a dimple on her left cheek when she smiles. I know that when I was young, I always smiled, but since my mom died, I never smiled again.

Here's another year in Hogwarts. I hope my life would change this years, but then, all hope is gone, right?

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I know it's short, but it's just a start. If I get more than five reviews, I'll post again.


	2. The true story behind her

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters you recognize here

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The ride was utterly uneventful. I just did my usual routine. Read, sleep, eat then read again, then cry. Now you ask, why do I cry every train ride? Simple. To release the pain locked up inside me. Every year, before term starts, I wish and pray, that someone would pick me up from the floor, and help me stand up.

That someone would ask me why I don't talk and find out I just don't. That maybe, this year, someone would lend me a shoulder to cry on. But I think that someone is still not there to help me. So then another year starts. But then, more hope is lost.

Right now, hopes of having someone care for me at school is two at a scale of one to ten.

When the ride was finished, I found a carriage occupied by no one. Lots of people needed a carriage, but they didn't want to ride with me. They squeezed themselves in a carriage, and I felt hurt.

At the feast, I saw my favorite dish. But it was quite far from me. I wanted to let them pass it, but I can't find my voice. So I had to walk and get it, humiliating myself in the process when I fell and the pudding fell on me.

I cried again and walked to the Gryffindor common room, good thing a prefect told me the password. When I got there, I walked straight to the girl's dorm and then went to my bed without bothering to change.

I looked out the window like I did a few years ago, but this time, I saw a lot of stars. Maybe I could count it. One...two...three...I think I counted that already.

Maybe stars are not meant to be counted, and Lily Evans was not meant to be happy. I went under my blankets and then closed my eyes. Here I am again, I have a feeling that this year, it's gonna be a total bore. But then, why do I feel my conscience telling me that something surprising will happen this year?

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**NEXT MORNING**

Strange, because I found myself getting up at four in the morning. I saw my dorm mates already there, sleeping soundly. I stood up from my bed and tiptoed quietly to the bathroom to freshen up. Apparently, I woke up the girls from their sleep because of my shower.

I heard a girl mumble sleepily.

"If you don't stop that right now, I swear, you'll see you pants over your head in no time." Jessica mumbled.

Jessica, one of the reasons I remained unnoticed and unseen in this world. She was the bimbo queen. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. Her makeup was always too much, but overall, she always looked good.

But, I don't like her. She always makes my life miserable. Oh, screw me. My life is always miserable. Anyway, she's evil. She's nice to everyone except for the one who she thinks is a geek. I guess I'm one of them.

I got out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel firmly around me. I went to get my clothes and then wore them. When I came out, I saw a very interesting scene.

Jessica had no hair at all, her best friend, Mia, was on top of Jessica and their so called slave, Janine, was looking at her wand dumbly.

Lily looked at them strangely.

"Uh! Janine! Look at what you did! I said fix my hair not make me bald!" exclaimed Jessica and she threw some curses at Janine who looked terrified.

Arabella and Alice, their other roomies, got up from their bed and watched what was happening.

"Yeah! She said fix her hair! You twit!" exclaimed Mia and she threw the furnunculus curse at Janine, but she dodged it, and the curse headed straight to Jessica.

Jessica screamed and ran around the room.

"Ahh! Someone save me! Hey you! Hey! Help me!" she shouted to anyone who was on her way. Mia ran after her.

"Jess! Let me help! I think I know the counter curse!" she exclaimed, still chasing Jessica.

Lily just looked at them strangely, then went to her bed and took out a book to read. She closed her trunk then headed for the door, but the door opened ajar before she could even touch it.

There, standing in front of her, was the marauders. Composed of James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Pettigrew. They were the master pranksters. Yet the most eligible bachelors in school.

I saw James Potter staring at me, but I looked away. When you stare at someone, they could see through your soul, which is not a good thing for me. I walked past the marauders and headed for the fireplace.

I took a seat on the couch and opened my book. I really like this book. Why? Because we both have the same problem. It's a really thick book that my mom gave me when I was still young.

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_Flashback:_

_Three year old Lily Evans was sitting on a swing with her father. Her father would tickle her occasionally._

_"Daddy! It tickles!" exclaimed Lily as her father tickled her sides._

_Her father laughed and they saw Mrs. Evans car park in front of their house._

_"Mommy's here!" exclaimed Lily as she jumped off her father's lap and ran to her mother._

_Lucy, their housemaid, took Mrs. Evans luggage inside the house and Mrs. Evans saw her daughter running up to her._

_"My flower! Oh! I missed you so much!" exclaimed Mrs. Evans and she smiled._

_Lily ran faster and hugged her mother so tight. Their father joined the hug too. They began talking and joking around outside the house, when Petunia saw what was happening outside. They didn't even look for her. She was very angry at Lily. Ever since Lily was born, Petunia thought that all her parents cared about was Lily._

_For revenge, Petunia went to Lily's room and took out a very precious fairy tale book their mother gave Lily. Even though she loved her mother very much, at times like this, she couldn't control herself._

_Petunia went back to her room and found Lily sitting near the gate, playing with their dog, and her parents were unloading a few things from the car._

_Petunia was angry and she threw with all her strength the book she was holding and it landed in the middle of the street. Petunia smiled._

_Unfortunately, Lily saw this and glared at Petunia._

_"How dare you!" she exclaimed before running to the street. Her parents saw her._

_"Lily, where are you going?" asked their mom and followed her out of the gate._

_It was just probably bad timing, that at that time, when Lily reached the book, a truck came driving along. Petunia's eyes grew wide, their father was too busy with the things and her mom was very shocked._

_"Lily, watch out!" screamed their mother and Lily turned around to see her mom push her to the sidewalk and directly see her mom get killed under a truck._

_Lily cried and cried, hugging the book close to her chest. Petunia was crying too. It was only a matter of time that their father found out what happened._

_He came out and saw Lily bruised and hugging a book to her chest, Petunia was crying inside her room, but what shocked him the most was that her wife was blood and bones. He was very angry, but sad all the same. _

_When he asked for an explanation, Petunia gave a story, saying that Lily went out the gate to play when a truck came driving along, so her mom blocked her and she was the one killed. It turned out that it was Lily's fault in her story._

_End of flashback:_

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But I remember that when my dad asked me what happened, I couldn't answer. I can't find my voice. So he thought I was guilty and he punished me. He tortured me and only stopped when Lucy was very desperate.

I went to my room the night my mom died, and placed the book under my pillow. I promised myself I would cherish it forever. If I asked you, what would you feel if you watched your mother die in slow motion, including the breaking of bones and twisting of spines?

That is how I felt. I felt impotent and out of control. Inside me, my head burst into half just to see my mom suffer. She was the one who worked hard for me. The one who always loved me, and she died trying to save me.

I was so shocked that day, that I didn't know what to say. All I did was cry.

I miss her so much. When she left, I remember that I always seek for her comfort. I always search for her incredible scent. I always felt around for her gentle touch. But after a few months of that accident, I knew that she wasn't coming back, and I really did never got to speak again.

Right now at the common room, I opened the book into a random page and saw a picture of me and my mother. I was three years old. That picture was taken before she went for her one week conference.

She was holding me so gently and tightly that it looked as if she didn't want anything bad to happen to me. I was smiling at the picture, and I cried.

My mother was the most important person to me. She was my inspiration in this school. She always told me to work hard to achieve something.

All I know is that, I miss her so much and I want her to be able to see me in this school. I want her to be here to make me talk. But what I want is not possible, because she's dead. All because of me!

I cried and hugged the book close to me. I love my mother so much, and I didn't want her to go.

Little did Lily know, someone saw her crying on their way downstairs the girl's dormitory. The two of them knew what their mission was. It was to find out why Lily is crying and to make her happy.

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Sorry if this was short and dull, but I had to post. Anyway, I cried when I wrote this chapter. I love you guys! You actually reviewed my first chapter! Thanks!


	3. A problem to solve

Disclaimer: I don't own HP. J.K. Rowling does, kay?

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I missed breakfast today. Oh, big surprise there. Didn't see that one coming. Anyway, I just went out and stared at the wonderful lake of Hogwarts. Don't get me wrong, but did I tell you I'm environmental friendly?

I really do wonder what it looks like down the lake. Some even said that you would see the contents of a toilet there. Big yuck! Today is the first day of classes, and do I intend to go? Of course I do! Lessons in Hogwarts brightens my day.

It's only 7:30 so I have thirty minutes to spare before Charms. Ah! My favorite class. I really excel in that class, even if I can't speak. I really, really admire my powers. I can even do wandless magic. But of course, no one knew. They never paid any attention to ugly ol' me.

I guess I'll just wait for a few minutes before I head to Charms. I stayed beside the lake, admiring the perfect scenario around me. Suddenly, I heard someone walking towards me. Oh, hide me! I don't want them to see.

Okay, so maybe I didn't tell you yet, but I could be invisible. I don't know why, but I think it's part of my powers. I could be invisible whenever I wanted to, just like an invisibility cloak. Pretty cool, huh?

Anyway, I saw a brown and raven haired girl nearing me, so I immediately became invisible. Hey! These girls are my dorm mates!  
Hmm, I think I will name them Belle and Lisha. No matter, I don't need to know. I heard them talking as I stayed in my spot under the tree, being extremely quiet.

"Hey! I just saw that girl here. I wonder where she went." exclaimed the brown haired girl who I refer to as Lisha. Is she talking about me?

The raven-haired girl who I named Belle scratched her head.

"Heck, if she keeps disappearing like this, how would we be able to help her?" she asked at Lisha, who was looking at the exact spot I was in a while ago.

I almost gasped but stopped myself. These girls wanted to help me. Maybe the actually could! But, what if it was just a joke? I would never let that happen. I'd have to know them better secretly. Maybe help has finally came.

**NARRATOR'S POV**

Alice kept staring at a certain spot under the tree. Arabella pulled her hand a little roughly.

"Come on, let's go look for her later." said Bella and they went off, Alice still looking at her back occasionally. When Lily was extremely sure that the two girls were out of sight, she appeared under her spot and looked awkwardly at the backs of the two girls.

Yep, she has made up her mind. She would investigate.

Lily walked quietly to their charms classroom, carrying her books. She passed the marauders who were laughing at something Lily did not want to know.

Unfortunately, James Potter saw Lily and he smiled brightly at her. Lily did not even look up. She just went on walking, ignoring the boys. This shocked Sirius.

"You know Prongsie, I think you're loosing your touch." he said and James smacked him upside the head.

"Shut up Padfoot. Something's really weird about that red-headed girl. Does any of you know her name?" he asked as the four of them followed the direction of Lily towards their charms classroom too.

Remus opened a little notebook and scanned the pages carefully.

"I think her name is Lily Evans." he said as they entered the charms classroom. James looked at him and took the notebook from Remus. He began reading a few facts about Lily.

Peter went to a seat and saved three others. He was always like the servant of the marauders. While Sirius went to his girlfriend, Jessica, and began kissing her.

Lily, seating a few seats from Jessica, frowned slightly.

**LILY'S POV**

Talk about yuck! Those two had better get a room. I mean, public showing of affections? As if!

I turned my head to another direction, not being able to stand the disgusting show, and saw James Potter reading something what looked like a book.

How come I keep on seeing other things. I'm supposed to be investigating on Belle and Lisha. Oh I hate this! Those two are sitting in front of me, but of course, I managed to be extremely quiet.

I resumed my work and began taking notes about them. You know, at this time, I would have been thinking about my mother or charms. But when I heard those two talk about me, I think a little hope built up inside me. Well, that's good, right?

Okay, so far I found out that the name of the brown haired girl was Alicia (Alice for short), and the raven haired girl was Arabella (Bella for short). I don't know why, but why does my nicknames for them sound so close to their real name.

Of course, I'll still stick to Lisha and Belle. I actually got used to that. The name Alicia kept on lingering in my mind. I remembered that my dad told me he actually considered naming me Alicia, but my mother stopped him. I thank my mom for that.

Argh! Lily, stop thinking about your mom for once. Remember, she wants to see you happy. Well mommy, right now, I think I still have hope!

Anyway, I found out from their conversation a while ago that Lisha has a little crush on a certain Frank Longbottom. That's a good sign.

Why? Because Frank always helps me getting books from the library. Which means he's a nice guy. Which also means Lisha likes nice guys because she's also, um...nice!

Okay, that was confusing. But still, I think I can trust these two. I also found out that Belle likes cats. As in, obsessed with them. That means she's an animal lover, so she has a heart.

Oh! I think I could trust them, but I still need a bit of investigation. Oh great! Professor Flitwick just entered, I'll continue investigating later.

"Good morning class. Please settle down! Mr. Black, please get back to your chair and stop stripping." Said our teacher.

Lucky thing I stopped my head from turning around to see Black without his clothes. That's just gross.

"Okay everyone, I am going to teach you the disillusionment charm.

My mind drifted off to somewhere else. I mean, do I really need that charm when I can become invisible by myself?

I looked out the window and saw the lake. It's really pretty you know. I could see blue, green, yellow, gray, red...Wait a minute! That's red hair!

Little by little, the person turned around and stared directly at me. It was my mother! Oh my gosh! How could she be here?

I stood up, without realizing the whole class was staring at me.

"Miss Evans, may I please ask why you are standing up?" asked Professor Flitwick.

I looked outside and didn't see my mother. It was just an illusion. How foolish of me to think my mother was still alive. Instead of sitting down, I ran out of the classroom, not wanting them to see me cry.

I didn't know where to go, but I know one place where I could find sanctuary.

It was a hidden room behind an ugly portrait. I found it when I was still in my first year. Long story, so don't ask. I reached the portrait and I looked up to see the messed up painting that was my only friend in Hogwarts.

"Lils, I was really worried when you didn't come to visit. Here, come in." said the painting and it opened. I stepped inside and sat myself on a couch.

I cried my tears away. When I saw my mother, I couldn't describe how I felt.

It's really weird. I mean, some of you may say that I should have gotten over my mother's death by now. But you know, I can't.

It was my fault why she died. I could have saved her if I didn't get that book. I'll ask you, what would you feel if your mother died because of you!

I'm becoming cranky. Leave me along for a while. I need my space...

**NARRATOR'S POV**

**LUNCH**

"It was really weird when that girl ran. I don't know why, but when we saw her in the common room this morning, I really wanted to help her." Said Alice as they entered the great hall.

Arabella nodded and they sat themselves.

"I think she really has a big problem."

Not far from these girls, three boys were talking about the same thing.

"I don't get why that girl ran out of the classroom. I mean, whoa!" exclaimed Sirius.

James was reading Lily's profile in Remus' notebook. It was like a puzzle that he wanted to solve.

Lily's Profile:

_Full Name: Lily Rose Evans_

_Bloodline: Muggle_

_House: Gryffindor_

_Father's Name: George Evans_

_Mother's Name: _

_Sister's Name: Petunia Evans_

_Hobby: Reading, stargazing, spending time near the lake_

_Greatest Dream: _

_I get too tired of my drunk master,_

_I hate spending time with a horse faced, Vernon lover,_

_I miss my tender, loving savior,_

_Who died cause of a child with no neighbor,_

_Someone pick me up from this misery_

_Someone who would hear my melody_

_My dream is to see someone good enough to care_

_But would not suffer with the sickness I bear_

James was trying to solve it. Hopefully, he would. He would in no time...

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	4. Making friends

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these, except for the plot.

Author's notes: I know you want some L/J, but I think I need this chapter for Lily and the others. Please just give me a little time, anyway, thanks for the people who bothered to review my last chap. I love you!

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I stayed in my secret place for a while, totally missing lunch. I thought about my mother, again. I just don't get it. Why can't I get over the fact that my mother is dead? I guess I just can't. Well, I'm not hungry anyway. Besides, there's still thirty minutes before afternoon classes starts. Heck, I don't want to miss that, do I?

So with that, I got up then walked out of the room. I nodded my thanks to the painting then began walking to the great hall. I entered the hall and no one noticed me. Good for them.

I sat at the farthest end of the table and I saw the marauders conversing. Well, two of them exactly. Oh, and did I mention that I have great hearing? I guess it pays for not being able to speak.

With my incredible sense of hearing, I eavesdropped unnoticed and heard what they were talking about little by little.

"Remus, I want to know where you got these information." Demanded James. What information is he talking about?

"James, I'll tell you later. It's too risky here. They would know about my so called sickness." answered Remus quietly. Oh, don't worry Remus, I know about your being a werewolf. I found out when I was in third year.

"Come on Moony, if someone could hear us, it would be someone with very great hearing. As in, very great. No one here is like that." said James and he shoved a notebook under Remus' nose.

Okay James, first of all, you're mistaken. I have great sense of hearing, and what is that notebook?

Remus looked around and then whispered to James.

"Fine Prongs, it was Dumbledore who gave me this. He gave it to me when I was in first year. It has every profile of every student in this school. He told me that I had the right to choose my friends and those who I think I could trust because of my sickness. That way, I could make sure." Whispered Remus and trust me, I almost didn't hear it.

I'm confused. That's such a small notebook, how could every student's profile fit in there? Just right at that moment, James was thinking the same because next moment he popped the question.

"But Remus, how does it work? I mean, such a small notebook for every student's profile?"

Remus looked around again then turned back to James.

"Just say the first letter of the person's last name and every person with that letter for the start of their last name will appear."

Really? Actually that's very interesting. I hope I could get my hands on that notebook to know who I could trust. Let's duplicate it, shall we? But for this, it's gonna take a really powerful duplicating spell to include it's magic, not only the words written on the notebook right now.

I stared at the notebook in James's hand very hard and then, I felt something in my hand. Perfect!

I took my bag and books then ran out of the hall, passing James and Remus who gave me a smile. I just ran as fast as I could to Divination Tower. I really wanted to try out that notebook.

When I reached the tower, I decided it was too early to go up, so I sat down on the floor and placed my things down. I opened the notebook and what I saw surprised me. It was my profile! What were Remus and James doing with my profile!

I read it and I remembered that it was what Professor McGonagall made us answer in first year. I didn't write my mother's name because it was still too painful at that time.

So this was what they did. They took each student's profile and compiled them for Remus. How thoughtful...

I could use this notebook for my investigation. All right! Uh oh, students are coming. I better go up first.

I stuffed the notebook inside my bag then began to climb the ladder that will lead to Divination Classroom.

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**NARRATOR'S POV**

"That's funny Bella. I suppose we're first in Divination, right?" asked Alice as they were about to approach the ladder.

Arabella was reading a magazine composed of different writing. Alice just shook her head and looked up at the ladder.

All she could remember is red hair. RHG!

"Faster Bella, I think we may catch up on RHG! (red-headed girl)" exclaimed Alice and she climbed the ladder as fast as she could. Bella did it as slow as she could. All Alice did was grunt, then snort, then growl. Too tired to wait for the Lazy Bella, she saw RHG and approached her.

After a minute, Arabella reached the top then opened the trapdoor that leads to their classroom.

She looked around then saw Alice sitting beside Lily. Lily looked as if she saw really scared.

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**LILY'S POV**

When I got inside the classroom, I sat in my usual seat then turned to look up Lisha and Belle's profile. I know their names are Alice and Bella, but I told you, I like Lisha and Belle better.

After I read a little about Lisha, I found out that she really was a nice person. But, when I was about to read Belle's profile, I heard someone sit beside me and I froze.

I turned my head a little and saw Lisha smiling at me.

"Hey! I'm Alice. What's your name?" asked Alice politely and she smiled again at me. I trembled a little and Lisha seemed to have noticed this.

"Don't worry! I'm not gonna eat you or anything." Exclaimed Alice and I smiled to myself.

I like this girl. I really like her. Of course, I need to make friends sometime. I mean, my mom would want me to be happy, right?

I reached for a parchment and a quill. I began to write legibly.

_My name is Lily_

Lisha looked at it and smiled at me.

"You don't have to be shy or anything. I've seen you around school and you always seem to be quiet." She explained.

I looked down. How could I tell her that I'm mute? How, how, how?

Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming towards us. I looked up and saw Belle looking at the parchment. She looked up and smiled at me too.

"Hey Lily, I'm Arabella. But call me Bella. You know, we used to name you RHG..." said Arabella thoughtfully.

Okay, that's nice. I looked at them and I knew that I would have to tell them now that I can't talk, or else risk loosing them.

I took the parchment then began to write.

_I'm sorry guys, but I can't talk. Please don't ask me why, it's still a too painful memory. By the way, thanks for talking to me. All I have of a friend in Hogwarts is a painting._

Lisha and Belle read this then looked shocked for a while. But when they looked up, they smiled at me gently.

"Don't worry Lily, we won't ask. We were just really worried about you." said Alice comfortingly.

"If you can't talk, how could you perform spells?" asked Arabella and Alice slapped her head. She gave her a glare.

"Don't mind her Lily. She's got a twist in the brain." said Alice. Arabella pouted the muttered 'Hey'.

To my surprise, I smiled. For the first time in years! Now I know I could trust these guys. Now I know...

**AFTER AFTERNOON LESSONS**

Me and my friends, oh, how nice to say that! Anyway, me and my friends (Belle and Lisha), were heading to the great hall for dinner. Through our lessons, we got to know each other better.

I love it when we pass notes to each other! Lisha is really a thoughtful and caring person, while Belle is a very amusing one.

In our history of magic class, they found out what nicknames I gave them, and they seemed to like it. I also found out that Belle had a thing for a certain Sirius Black.

In Transfiguration, they found out about my wandless, non-verbal magic, and my invisibility powers. They also knew about my unbelievable hearing.

All in all, I had lots of fun. I knew I could trust them. I don't really know why, but I knew.

"Hey Lilac (that's the nickname they gave me), do you know that I love mashed potatoes?" asked Belle as she read the History of Magic notes that I copied.

I smiled at Belle as we entered the hall. Everyone was very happy. Now, I'm one of them!

Well mom, after years of waiting, I think hope came. On a scale of one to ten, hopes of me speaking is already at five, all thanks to Bella and Lisha.

If only Lily knew that a certain James Potter was planning to help her reach ten to speak. Yes, only in a matter of time...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>


	5. James' first step

Well, it's been two weeks since I actually became friends with Belle and Lisha, and I'm as happy as can be. The guilt in me for 12 years has finally subsided a little.

Anyway, I'm in our dormitory right now, and it's actually pretty early. But I wanted to catch an early breakfast so I can make a break for the library. I checked the time and it was almost six o' clock. With that, I stood up quietly and went to change my clothes.

After a while, I was going down the spiral staircase and I saw a very endearing sight in front of me. James Potter was sleeping on the couch, looking like a little angel.

I tiptoed quietly, not wanting to wake him up, but I've got to admit, he's got great hearing!

He yawned and opened his eyes. I stared into his hazel eyes and his eyes bored into mine. I quickly looked away and headed for the portrait hole, when I heard him speak.

"Wait! I'm James Potter." he said suddenly and I turned around to see him holding out his hand. I didn't want to be rude or anything, but why the heck was he introducing himself to me?

Of course, I shook his hand and he smiled at me.

"So, what's your name?" he asked and I didn't know how to reply. I stared at the book I was holding and held it out to him. He took it reluctantly and saw the name on front. It read 'Lily Evans'.

He smiled at me and returned the book.

"Well, nice meeting you this early. Catch you later?" he asked as his hair got into his eyes. Did I mention he looked incredibly cute when his hair did that?

I nodded and he walked away to the boy's dorm. I watched his back and a thought struck my head. It wasn't everytime James Potter talks to me, but he also read my profile, if I'm correct. How odd.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**JAMES POV**

At least I got to talk to her. I've solved the puzzle. Her father abuses her, it was her sister who looks like a horse, and her mother died. When I observed her, she was always quiet. After a while, I figured out that she can't talk.

I don't know why, but I want to help this girl. She seems lost, but when that Alice and Arabella made friends with her, she seemed a little happier. She still needs a bit of boosting to talk.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like her in a lover's sort of way. It's just that there seems to be an aura around her that makes me want to help her.

I entered my dorm and saw that Remus was already up. Typical him, the perfect one.

"Hey Rem, I managed to talk to Lily." I said casually and sat down on my bed. Remus smiled at me. I knew he was always nice to Lily.

"That's nice James. But you know, don't you think you're like, rubbing it in? I mean, you know the girl can't talk." Said Remus.

"Don't worry Moony. She finds her ways. If only I could get her to admit she can't talk, then it will be easier for me to help her." Said James thoughtfully.

"Whatever you say, Prongs."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**LILY'S POV**

That was weird. I think James is very nice. If you think about it, he's not even a womanizer. Anyway, I must be getting down right now. If I won't, I'd probably miss the library.

I went out of the common room and began walking casually towards the great hall. Lo' and behold. On the way, I was greeted by a couple of slytherins. I don't know their names, but I surely know their reputation.

I was frightened and I tried to look around, trying to find another way. Oh great, I forgot I had the powers of invisibility. Screw me. I thought too long and the next thing I knew, I was petrified. I can't move my arms or legs so I fell.

When I looked up, I saw a Slytherin with greasy-black hair. When I begin to talk, remind me to tell him to wash his hair. Then, there was also a Slytherin with sleek-blonde hair. I think he put too much oil in it.

I closed my eyes and didn't dare look at them. They were scary-big-mean ugly beasts.

"Well Severus, will you look at this. A mudblood walking on our boundaries." He forced me to opened my eyes.

The Slytherin with greasy hair nodded and smirked at me.

"No mudblood should step here. You are a disgrace."

The Slytherin with blonde hair muttered a spell and it hit me. I felt my chest in pain. The other slytherin was about to mutter a spell when someone disarmed him.

I tried to look around and saw James Potter with flaming eyes. He could get in trouble because of me! Step back, James. Please!

"You two are so low. How dare you curse Lily in front of me! Stay away or I may kill you!" said James in a deadly whisper. A hand held him back.

"Don't James. Detention for you, Malfoy and Snape." said Remus. He glared at the two of them.

The Slytherins walked away. James kneeled down beside me and took off the charm.

"Are you okay?" he asked in such a caring voice. When I was about to smile and nod at him my thanks, I fainted. My world went black.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**HOSPITAL WING**

Ugh! My head hurts. But my chest hurts more. What happened? I can't remember a thing.

"Miss Figg, calm down or else I will be forced to kick you out." I heard someone say. Hey! Arabella is here.

I stirred a little and opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was hazel eyes that I wouldn't be able to forget. It was James.

"Lily, you're awake! Do you feel okay?" he asked at me softly. I looked at him. I remember now. The slytherins, the corridor, me not having time to be invisible, and the mudblood.

I hate that name! Why isso different from a pureblood and a muggle born? I stared at James again and I think he knew that I didn't like what happened a while ago. I began to sob as I remembered what they did to me. It was just like my father. My father beat me up so much that the pain was so unbearable. The pain I haven't felt in two weeks came back. I hate those slytherins!

James placed a hand on my shoulder as I sobbed.

"Don't worry Lily. Dumbledore will take care of them." He said. I looked at him with teary eyes and wanted so much to tell him I can't talk. But how?

I leaned a little on his chest and he began comforting me. I may not know him too much, but I know I could trust him. Someone entered the hospital wing and ran towards my bed.

"Lily! Are you feeling alright? Those bloody slytherins-

"Bella, calm down will you?"

"Ah! You're provoking me, aren't you?"

"Miss Figg, I swear, be quiet or else I will kick you out of here."

I smiled a little and edged a little away from James. He just smiled at me and stood up from my bed.

"Bye Lily, I need to meet the marauders. Don't forget, if you have problems, I'll always be here to lend a hand." he whispered and I smiled gratefully at him. He walked out of the infirmary and I began to eat the food beside me.

James is one of the nicest people I have met in Hogwarts. I really could trust him.

Arabella came closer to me.

"Lilac, it's a good thing you're awake. I mean, you already missed morning lessons." Said Arabella casually. My eyes popped out and I gave her the look Why-did-I-miss-morning-lessons?

Arabella rolled her eyes then eyed Madame Pomfrey.

"Madame, I won't be noisy, I swear!" exclaimed Arabella and with one last look, Madame Pomfrey bustled out of the Hospital Wing.

Belle looked at me and I stared back. She then smiled mysteriously and had a look in her eyes.

"So Lilac, what's happening between you and Potter?" she asked and a vein popped out of my head.

Me and James? You've got to be kidding me! I took hold of my pillow and threw it at her which she caught. I smiled as she laughed.

But seriously, me and James can't happen. I mean, me and James Potter? It's impossible. Sad though, I sort of happened to like him a little. But just as a friend.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


	6. Now we're getting somewhere

Belle left me a while ago. It was time for their afternoon lessons, but Madame Pomfrey didn't want me to go yet. So I asked Alice to copy some notes for me and she gave me morning assignment. She's such a nice friend.

Anyway, I'm resting on my bed, reading a book. My chest aches so much, did I tell you? Curse Malfoy and Snape. They are such busybodies. How I loathe them. As I read my book, my mind drifted off to a certain hazel-eyed boy.

He's being awfully nice. Sure, he has a thing for pranks, but he never actually did them to me. Besides, everyone needs a nice laugh, right? Will you look at this? I'm stressing over the one and only James Potter!

I need some sleep. I put down my book. I closed my eyes and pulled my blankets closer to me. As I was about to enter dreamland, I got a glimpse of ruffled hair and the prettiest hazel eyes I have ever seen. My eyes snapped open.

Can he get out of my head right now? The man just saved me, I said my thanks (technically), so I have no problem whatsoever with him now. I'm just probably thinking of him because he's the only one who stood up for me, excluding Belle and Lisha.

Besides, what if James is another man like my father? What if he will beat me up too? Aha! I know what to do! The profile notebook!

I scrambled out of bed and fell butt first. Talk about ouch! Madame Pomfrey hurried over to me, muttering furiously.

"Miss Evans, please do be careful, or else you might injure yourself more!" she exclaimed, pulling me to the bed. Honestly, she'll be injuring myself sooner if she doesn't stop from ripping my arm off.

I gave her a look and she shook her head.

"No, you can't get out of the Hospital Wing today. You must rest." she said and pulled me up to my bed. I settled on it and she left.

I groaned and took the book I was reading a while ago. I'm pretty sure a book could take my mind off James.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**JAMES'S POV**

I really can't understand how Professor Rowland could make Potions sound so boring. This is too disgusting. All of the slytherins are hanging on to his every word.

I looked around and saw the other Gryffindors doing nothing. Sirius was biting a sugar quill, Peter was fast asleep, Arabella (who was sitting next to me) was writing doodles on a parchment, which I read as "I Luv Sirius" or "Arabella Black".

I stared at her and she hid her parchment, blushing. I looked around again and saw that the only people that was listening to the professor besides the Slytherins were Remus and Alice. She was writing so fast, I could've sworn someone was chasing her.

"Mr. Potter, what is the key ingredient for the Veritaserum?" asked Rowland. It took me by surprise I began stuttering. He smirked at me.

"Tsk, tsk. I prefer listening over looking. That's ten points from Gryffindor." he said then went to his desk. He then stared at me suddenly with a smug smile on his face. "Oh, and you will report about Veritaserum next meeting and be prepared." he added.

I glared at him and the Slytherins smiled at me. They loved torturing me. You just wait, you'll receive the greatest prank yet.

The bell rang signaling the dismissal of the class. The Gryffindors all ran towards the door, blocking out all the Slytherins.

Supposedly, it was time for dinner, but I had something better to do.

"Guys, just meet me at the hall. I have something to do." I said and ran off quickly without a word.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**LILY'S POV**

I've been doing nothing but read for the past six hours. I want to get out of this hell hole.

I sighed and slumped under my pillows. Madame Pomfrey was preparing my dinner but all I want to do is get out of this place. She promised me she'd let me go out after another day or so. As if!

I closed my eyes, hoping to get some sleep. But then, another face popped out, but this time, it wasn't James. She had red locks that reach up to her waist and the prettiest smile I have ever seen. It was the face I have been longing for so much.

_Lily, never let your past destroy your present, or else you'll regret your actions. _

What did she mean? I reached out my hands and they were really near my mother.

_Lily, there are still some people who care for you. Don't push them back. _

Suddenly, I heard my own voice in my head. It was a dream, a really weird dream.

_Mom, don't leave me! They only want me to suffer. My father and Petunia. Please take me with you..._

I touched my mother's soft skin and tried to hug her. My hands went through her. I stared at my hands incredulously. I looked up and saw my mom walking away.

_Lily, don't forget, I love you...But you can't hold on to the past forever..._

With that, she walked away, leaving me staring at her back. I cried and fell. I didn't want her to go yet.

I suddenly jerked awake and saw James sitting beside me, looking really worried.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked. I cried silently and James hugged me. Why did she have to go?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**JAMES'S POV**

When I entered the hospital wing, I saw Lily sleeping. I walked quietly to her bed and stared at her. She looked like an angel.

Suddenly, tears began to flow down her eyes. Was she dreaming? I kneeled down and tried to wipe the tears off her face with my thumb.

She began muttering. It was all very soft, and the only thing I managed to hear was "mom". What happened in her dream?

Lily then began reaching out her arms and I didn't know what to do. After a while, she began crying like crazy and her eyes opened. She stared at me and sat up.

I didn't know what to do. She seemed so upset. I did the only thing I could do and hugged her. She cried silently and I know that she was really upset about something.

"Lily, are you okay?" I asked. I know it was a stupid question to ask, but I said it nonetheless. She just cried and held on to me.

I want to help her so badly. I want to make her talk. I want to relieve her from anything. Yet I can't even manage to make her stop crying.

She looked up at me and I stared at her. I knew she wanted to tell me something, but it will be very hard for her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**LILY'S POV**

When he hugged me, I knew he cared and I didn't need to see the Profile Notebook. I stared up at him and wanted to thank him so much, yet I can't.

I smiled at him and he seemed to understand it because he smiled back at me that seemed to say "You're welcome".

I wiped my tears and gave him a questioning look that said "What are you doing here?"

I don't know why or how, but he seemed to understand it cause he stood up and handed something to me.

"Alice wanted me to give this to you. I also wanted to know if you're doing fine." said James. I took the books and parchment from him. This gave me an idea.

I took a quill and began writing.

_Thanks James..._

James read it and he smiled at me.

"Don't worry Lily, I'll always be here for you." he said softly. These words struck my head.

I remembered what my mom told me in my dream. Is James on of the people mom was talking about? Even though I didn't tell him I can't talk, he knew.

Everytime I was having a hard time, he was there. It was like, he was always there for me, just like what he told me. I didn't know how to thank him. Writing was not good enough.

I stood up and walked over to him. He stared at me and I hugged him. That hug meant so much. Everything he has done for me meant a lot.

When he saved me from the Slytherins, I was shocked. It was the first time someone did that.

When I thought no one knew about my sickness, except my friends, he knew.

When I saw him reading my profile, it was then that I know that he was trying to help me. All in all, he was different. He was different from my dad.

I broke the hug and smiled at him. He smiled and nodded then bid his goodbye.

He walked out of the Hospital Wing and I returned to my bed.

_Thank you, James..._

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>_

**JAMES'S POV**

Now I know I was getting somewhere. I could help her now. When I got out of the Hospital Wing, I began walking towards the great hall, when I was greeted by Alice and Arabella.

They were smiling at me like there was no tomorrow. Did they know something?

"Thank you James. Thank you for helping Lils." Said Alice and they departed. I stared at their backs.

That was utterly weird.


	7. I am a freak

The next day, Madame Pomfrey actually allowed me to go out. Of course, it required a lot of persuasion and a bottle of skele-grow. Don't ask.

Anyway, right now, I'm walking towards the Gryffindor Common Room. I'm so excited to have my lessons, much less meet my friends.

I reached the portrait of the fat lady, and that was when I realized I didn't know the password. I sat down the floor and waited for someone to go out of the common room.

You must be wondering how I entered the common room for the past four years. Well, I've always written on a parchment and showed it to the Fat Lady. At first, she was crabby about it, but she got used to it.

The portrait was moving. Hurray! I stood up and waited patiently. Then came out Remus Lupin and Sirius Black who were laughing. Believe me, they look stupid.

Sirius then pointed at someone inside the common room.

"See you, Prongs. Oh and remember to write your _prank_!" said Sirius and began laughing again. Remus noticed me and pulled Sirius out.

"Sorry Lily, didn't noticed you there." said Remus then they began walking.

I walked in and saw James crunched up in anger with loads of parchments and quills beside him. He had a book on his lap and a quill intact his mouth. I wandered over to him and he looked up.

"Hey Lils. Out of the hospital wing already?" asked James and he grunted as he opened the book to a page.

I nodded and he looked up again.

"Sorry for this, I'm just stuck between writing this report for Rowland and a prank." He said hurriedly.

I looked at him with a confused look. I tilted my head and he looked up again.

"Well, the report is about Veritaserum and the prank is..."

I smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.

"...for revenge against the Slytherins for what they did to you." He finished.

I wanted to crawl under a hole. Does he really want to prank the Slytherins for what they did to me? I felt myself blushing and I looked down. Everything...He almost does everything for me. How could I help him or at least repay him back?

I grabbed the book he was holding and he looked at me, confused. I began turning to a page. I know this book by heart. Aha! Here is the truth potion. I grabbed a quill and a parchment and began writing.

"You don't have to Lils..." said James and I could see he was blushing. How cute.

I shook my head and pointed at his parchment that said "Pranks for Slytherins". He shrugged then looked at me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**JAMES'S POV**

She pointed at my parchment of pranks. I shrugged and looked at her. She was writing my report. Did I tell you she was extremely pretty? Her red locks would fall occasionally, and she would tuck it behind her ear.

Okay, I know I said she was pretty, but that doesn't mean I like her, does it?

I noticed I was staring so I went to my parchment of pranks and began writing. What would be good for those nasty Slytherins? Hmm, probably something that involves ballet, some cheese and tissues.

I grinned and began writing. Perfect! That would embarrass them. I looked up again and saw Lily biting her quill. How cute.

I finished my prank and then stood up.

"Okay! I'm finished. I'm just gonna go set it up, okay?" I said as Lily looked up and smiled at me.

Did I tell you I just love her smile? I bid her goodbye and walked out of the common room to arrange my prank. It would be slow but painful...Just kidding, it would be something embarrassing.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**LILY'S POV**

James left a while ago to set up the prank. He really is a great friend. Nothing more. Lily, what were you thinking?

Anyway, I'm almost finished with his report about Veritaserum. Of course, it needs something more...Hmm...Oh yes! I have this great book about Potions upstairs. If only I could fish for it, write down some facts about truth potion, his report would be complete!

I got up and ran to our dormitory. I opened the door silently and saw all the girls sleeping. I walked towards my bed and opened my trunk. Where is that book?

Aha! Here it is! No, that's my charms book. What the heck is my underwear doing in my book section? I know I left it here somewhere. Oh! Where could it be?

"You looking for this?" asked someone behind me. I turned to look around and saw Jessica, holding my Potions Book. I glared at her. Didn't I tell you she was evil?

I lunged for it but she held it out of my reach.

Suddenly, someone grabbed the book from her back and even she was surprised. We both saw Arabella holding the book.

She glared at Jessica. Jessica glared back.

"Don't you ever try to steal something that's not yours, again!" said Arabella in a dangerous voice.

Jessica scoffed as she flipped her blonde hair.

"Why are you even friends with her? She takes all of your time. She tries too much to fit in. She's even taking James' time! She is nothing but a freak!" exclaimed Jessica.

Those words hit me like a bullet. A freak? That's what my sister calls me. I tried to stop my tears, but I can't. That word brought back too bad memories. I looked down so they couldn't see me crying. But it was no use. I did the only thing I could do.

I ran out of the dormitory, forgetting about James' report. I don't care right now. I'm a freak. A freak, and no one could change that. My sister told me that word too many times, and it was engraved in my heart. I believed it.

I was wrong to think I changed. I'm a freak. I don't know where to go, all I know is that I need to be alone.

Those painful memories that went away came back. My mom, the truck, my dad, the torture, my sister, the freak. It was all too much. I enjoyed myself too much that I forgot about my mother.

How could I be enjoying when my mom is dead? How? I ran towards the astronomy tower and cried.

I enjoyed myself too much. I forgot about everything. Yet right now, I have to face the truth. I am a freak. I am the reason why my mom is dead. I am the only freak in the family.

I cried as I sat on the edge of the Astronomy Tower. I cried. All I wanted was some friends, and yet I can't because I'm a freak! Lisha and Belle pitied me. That's probably why they wanted me as a friend.

I thought I changed. I was really close to speaking because of them. Because of James...James, I'm taking most of his time, yet I can't even talk.

I'm no use to anybody, because I'm a freak. Jessica was right...I cried. I cried so much that I didn't remember my dream yesterday.

Tears that didn't flow too much for long, came down. It was tears of letting go.

Suddenly, a loud bang erupted from inside Hogwarts. I was surprised that I didn't notice I was nearly falling.

I turned around. Bad move. I fell from the edge and now only my dear hands were holding the edge for dear life. I looked down. It was very high up here. I didn't want to die yet! I tried to get up, but my hands were slippery.

Oh! Someone help me! I don't want to die! Please!

Suddenly, the door of the astronomy tower opened and I noticed the voice that entered.

"It was said in the Marauder's Map that she was here..." said James. James! Please! I'm nearly falling! Look here!

His fellow marauders looked around the Astronomy Tower, but they didn't see me. Great! James!

"I'm sure the map doesn't lie..." said Remus. Please save me! I can't hold on much longer.

They were about to exit the tower. The only way for them to save me was to...talk. **horrific sound**


	8. Arabella's Wrath

I can't hold on much longer. My hands were sore and they were about to slip. I could feel myself sweating all over. If I don't do it, there would be nothing left for me. If I don't talk, I would be dead.

It was either a choice of death or talk. My only hope was about to leave this place, and there would be nothing for me. My hands started to slip little by little.

I could feel my heartbeat and it was very fast. If I don't do something fast, my mother would be so disappointed in me. My mother...if I die right now, I could get to see her. There's nothing in store for me in this world.

"Come on James, let's go." I heard someone say.

I have to make my decision now. If I simply let go, I would be reunited with my mom again. It crossed my mind. I was about to let go, when I heard my mom's voice inside my head.

_You can't hold on to the past forever..._

I looked down. It was land. If I die right now, what would happen?

"That's impossible, she should be here..." I heard James say.

My friends would be sad and James will be disappointed. They took care of me so much. I heard my mom again.

_Some people still care for you..._

I had to choose now, or else risk having picked my wrong fate.

"Let's go guys, I guess the map really is wrong sometimes..." I heard James say and the door opened.

Tears fell. Now there was no way of being saved. Maybe this is what fate has for me. Goodbye Bella, Lisha...Goodbye, James...

I closed my eyes but still held on. I wanted to think there was still hope. I wanted to know that James' didn't give up yet.

Suddenly, I heard the door close, but I didn't hear footsteps go away. Actually, they were coming nearer. I opened my eyes and heard hope.

"Guys, have you seen Lily here?" I heard Lisha ask. Her angelic voice sifted through my ears and it calmed me down. Now I know I didn't want to die. I have to find a way to grab their attention, but how?

"I will kill your prat of as girlfriend, Sirius. She was the one who started this havoc, anyway!" I heard Arabella exclaim and I could hear someone fall.

I tried to look beyond the edge, but all I saw was a hand raised that looked as if it was ready to slap.

"Let go of me, mad woman!" I heard Sirius shout and I held on to the edge tighter. I knew they were getting nearer, I just knew it!

I could hear someone rolling on the ground, and rapid footsteps. There was also some struggling and a very loud slap.

"Arabella! You can't do that!" I heard Alice say. I heard someone pick Sirius up from the floor and let him sit on the edge. Actually, very near the edge where I was about to fall.

I tried to get Sirius attention by poking his back, but I couldn't reach it. I was desperate. I needed to do something cause my hands can't hold on any longer.

I saw Lisha stand up to look at Sirius's cheek. I could see it was burning red hot salsa.

I wanted to talk, but I can't. It was not in my nature to speak. I tried to look for something to throw, and all I saw was the watch that I always wore. Lucy gave it to me for my eleventh birthday.

I grabbed it with difficulty and threw it with all the strength I could muster. It hit Sirius's head and he groaned in pain. Lisha looked around and saw me and my tear stained face.

She was shocked but she wasted no time.

"It's Lily! James, do something!" she exclaimed and as fast as wind, James was holding my both hands, pulling my hands like there was no tomorrow. When I was safely back, I sighed in relief. Tears streamed down my face, and James hugged me.

I looked up and saw Sirius holding my watch. I cried and let go of James. I took the watch from Sirius and stared at it with teary eyes.

What the heck was I thinking? Lucy gave this to me. This was hers, and she gave it to me. She loved this watch very much, and I destroyed it just to save my life! I'm such a selfish brat!

I cried Lisha hugged me. I hate myself! Why did I throw the watch just to save my blasted life? I cried on Lisha's shoulder.

"Guys, it's better if you leave the three of us first. All of you out, that includes you, James." I heard Belle say. I heard footsteps and the door opened and closed. The marauders left.

Lisha was patting my back. I wanted to feel the comfort. I chose to live, but why do I feel like I just destroyed something in fate?

I stared at the watch again. Lucy told me that it was her grandmother's. She cherished the watch very much and gave it to me on my eleventh birthday. She told me that it would always keep me safe, but I destroyed it.

I cried and I heard Lisha soothing me.

"Don't worry Lilac, everything would be fine." She whispered and I cried silently.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**JAMES'S POV**

I didn't want to leave Lily, but I knew her friends could do so much better than me. I knew one thing for sure; the one responsible for this mess was going to pay.

The marauders and I were walking towards the common room. Everyone was silent.

When we entered, Jessica was there, waiting for Sirius. Sirius walked casually towards her and then she pecked him on the cheek. I could see Peter resist the temptation to gag.

"Hey Siri-poo! What happened to Evans?" she asked as Sirius sat beside her. She began stroking his hair absently. Call me anything you want, but Sirius doesn't seem to be enjoying it.

I heard the portrait hole open, and Arabella came in. She looked very dangerous. Her eyes were flaming and you could see her glaring very much at none other than Jessica.

She slammed the door shut and walked angrily towards Jessica and Sirius. It was then that she was only a few centimeters away from Jessica when she noticed.

"Oh, hey Arabella-

Jessica was cut off when Arabella slapped Jessica with all her might. Jessica struggled out of the couch and then stared at Arabella.

"You-you pathetic excuse for a human! You had no right to do that to Lily!" exclaimed Arabella. Jessica regained her composure and then stood up. She gave Arabella a look.

"I can say anything I want. Besides, it's all the truth. Evans is nothing but a geek, a loser, and a goody-two shoes." She taunted. Sirius looked at Jessica threateningly. He knew what Arabella was like, being her enemy and all.

Arabella's ears started to emit smoke. Nobody knew how fast Arabella did it, but without even a blink of an eye, Jessica was starting to shrink.

All of them stared, but Arabella didn't care. She was ready to give anything for her friend, I knew that.

But before she could even take a step, someone was holding her hand, and I knew that hand too much.

Lily grabbed Arabella's wand and hugged her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**LILY'S POV**

When Alice and I entered the common room, I knew at one what happened. Belle had cursed Jessica, and it was all because of me. I stopped the tears and I held Belle's hand. When she stared at me, I hugged her.

I didn't want my friend to get in trouble just because of me. It was my entire fault. I cried on her shoulder and she hugged me back.

I heard Alice pick up a raging Jessica and then went out of the common room. Even though I told you I hated Jessica so much, she really didn't deserve to be cursed. I didn't know Arabella would be like that.

"I'm sorry Lily. I know I shouldn't have done that." She said. I smiled a little at her and let go.

I knew that she cared. But why do I still feel like I picked the wrong choice to live. I destroyed Lucy's watch, Arabella would be in big trouble and I would suffer again.

Did I mess with fate?


End file.
